How to Talk to a Veteran About Mental Health Without Pushing Them Away

“You look fine.” That’s what I used to hear when I parked in a handicap space. People couldn’t see the nerve damage, the bone spurs, the sleepless nights. They couldn’t feel the bullet that shattered my femur at 20 years old or the battles I fought in therapy just to stay alive after I got back from Iraq.

Mental health for veterans is complicated—and talking about it? Even more so.

If you want to support a veteran in your life, especially when it comes to mental health, start with this: Don’t try to fix us. Just hear us.

In this post, I’m going to break down how to have real, respectful conversations around veteran mental health—the kind that build bridges instead of walls.

1. Don’t Assume You Know What We're Dealing With

Not every veteran came home with visible wounds. Some of us are living with PTSD, nerve damage, depression, addiction, or suicidal thoughts—but we may not show it. And what one vet experiences mentally may be completely different from another.

“I was shot by a sniper and left with muscle atrophy, chronic pain, and scars—both mental and physical. But you wouldn’t know that just by looking at me.”

Before you bring up mental health, ask yourself: Are you trying to listen, or are you trying to label?

2. Use Real Language, Not Pity or Platitudes

Please skip the clichés.

• “You’re so brave.”

• “Thank you for your service, but…”

• “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through.”

These phrases might be well-meaning, but they feel hollow when we’re struggling.

Instead, try this:

• “How are you really doing?”

• “If you ever want to talk, I’m here to listen.”

• “I don’t have answers, but I care.”

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• “What resource do you wish you had right now, but you dont?”

What we want is connection—not correction.

3. Respect Boundaries, But Leave the Door Open

Sometimes we’ll talk. Sometimes we won’t. Sometimes we’ll open up years after the trauma.

That’s okay.

Mental health isn’t a one-time chat—it’s a lifelong process. If a veteran doesn’t open up right away, that doesn’t mean they don’t need support. It might just mean today isn’t the day.

Keep the door open. Keep showing up. That’s how trust is built.

If you’re not sure where to start, Mental Health First Aid offers valuable guidance on how to approach tough conversations with compassion.

4. Know That “Support” Looks Different for Everyone

Some vets need therapy. Some need space. Some need purpose, connection, or just someone who won’t flinch when they talk about suicide or war.

I went from the battlefield to the warehouse. From being questioned by military police in handicap spots to fighting for my ADA rights at work. My mental health didn’t come with a one-size-fits-all solution—and neither does yours.

The more you listen, the more you’ll learn how to support the veteran in your life in a way that actually helps.

5. Stop Avoiding the Conversation—We Notice

Veterans know when you’re uncomfortable. We see the shift in your eyes when we mention trauma. We hear the silence after we talk about suicide or addiction.

But here's the truth: We’re not telling you our stories to make you uncomfortable—we’re telling you because we trust you.

Talking saved my life. That’s why I speak now—for those who can’t, for those who don’t know how, and for those still trying to find their voice.

This Isn’t About Fixing Us. It’s About Standing With Us.

Veteran mental health isn’t just a buzzword. It’s personal. It’s raw. It’s ongoing.

If you're reading this as a veteran, know this: You’re not weak for needing help. You’re not broken because you’re struggling.

And if you’re reading this as someone who loves a veteran, remember: You don’t have to solve it all. Just don’t disappear when it gets real.

At Lion Speaking Agency, I speak because I’ve lived it. I created this platform to amplify the voices of veterans and normalize the conversations that are too often avoided.

Final Thoughts: Speak with Heart, Not Fear

Talking to a veteran about mental health doesn’t have to be awkward. It just has to be honest. Respect us. Show up. And when in doubt, listen harder than you speak.

Because at the end of the day, the conversations you’re afraid to have might just save a life.

Helpful Resources for Veteran Mental Health:

• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) – Support specifically for veterans and active-duty military

• Veterans Crisis Line – Free, 24/7 confidential support (Call 988, then press 1)

• Mental Health First Aid – Learn how to support someone in a mental health crisis

Need a Speaker Who Gets It?

Whether it’s Veterans Day, Mental Health Awareness Month, or National Disability Employment Awareness Month, I bring real stories and real solutions to your stage.

Let’s talk. Contact me here.